What We Do In The Shadows: 10 Best Guillermo Quotes (2024)

As a human familiar living in a house full of vampires, Guillermo de la Cruz (Harvey Guillen) provides a much-needed contrast in perspective in What We Do In The Shadows,often acting as the audience's entry point into the world of the supernatural.

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Whether he's lamenting his circumstances as an under-appreciated familiar, correcting one of hissometimes out-of-touch roommates, or else committing to protecting them at all costs, Guillermo's character has been developed well over the show's current 3 seasons.

"Vampires Love Virgins. It's Their Favorite Food."

What We Do In The Shadows: 10 Best Guillermo Quotes (1)

From the show's very earliest episodes, What We Do In The Shadows hasn't been afraid to blend its comedy with elements of horror, made almost more horrific because of the characters' often nonchalant approach to violence.

This makes sense for the vampires, but this quote by Guillermo and his work providing the virgins who will be eaten by the vamps goes to show that even though he himself is a human, his desire to become a vampire has provided him with a detachment from some of his humanity.

“I Will Always Be Just A Familiar To Them. Just A Schlub, Driving Around Brooklyn, With A Bunch Of Jars Full Of Semen.”

What We Do In The Shadows: 10 Best Guillermo Quotes (2)

A quote whichperfectly sums up Guillermo's personality, this moment comes after Nandor (Kayvan Novak) and Laszlo (Matt Berry) have been kidnapped by witches wishing to use their semen in a youth-prolonging potion. Guillermo helps facilitate their rescue onthe condition that he will keep the witches supplied with the vampire semen, but laments that his part in the rescue will go unrecognized.

The absurdity of this scene's premise generates lots of laughs, but through this quoteGuillermo does reveal thefrustrations he has about his position within the vampire household. At the same time, it shows that Guillermo's tactical approach to tense situations gives the vampires an advantage they wouldn't otherwise have.

“After Years Of Working For You, A Known Vampire, I Have Seen Werewolves, Necromancers, A Zombie, And Several Babadooks...But A Ghost, That’s Where We Draw The Line?”

What We Do In The Shadows: 10 Best Guillermo Quotes (3)

The vampires of What We Do In The Shadows have a range of views on the supernatural, from Nadja's (Natasia Demetriou) superstitions to Nandor's skepticism, the latter of which this quote is directed at.

Guillermo calls out the inconsistencies of Nandor's logic here, pointing out his ancient blind spots with this great line, but beyond that, this quote also works to show the development of Guillermo and Nandor's dynamic. Here Guillermo questions his master Nandor, something that the season 1 version of the character would very rarely do.

"My Name Is Guillermo De La Cruz."

What We Do In The Shadows: 10 Best Guillermo Quotes (4)

This quote plays into one of What We Do In The Shadows'best running gags, the poor treatment of Guillermo as a familiar, and marries it with the ongoing storyline in which he feels conflicted about coming into his natural gift for being a vampire slayer, as a descendent of Van Helsing.

Throughout the season 2 finale episode, "Nouveau Théâtre des Vampires", the vampires search for Guillermo after he leaves the house, but find they don't know his full name. When they later need rescuing Guillermo is there, and endsa deft reveal of his slayer prowess by declaring his name to his bewilderedvampiric roommates, in what becomes a truly satisfying moment.

"Sometimes I Wonder What My Life Would Be Like If I Was Still At Panera Bread...But The Heart Wants What It Wants."

What We Do In The Shadows: 10 Best Guillermo Quotes (5)

Given the amount of poor behavior Guillermo has to put up with, there comes a question as to why he has stayed with Nandor and the other vampires for over a decade. This quote from the season 1 finale, "Ancestry", provides some insight into his reasoning.

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Not only does Guillermo long to be turned into a vampire himself - which he's still convinced will happen - but he also seems to have, however strangely, found a community with the vampires where he can engage in the gruesome parts of the supernatural world andno one will bat an eye at his often violent work.

"I Haven't Slept In 72 Hours."

What We Do In The Shadows: 10 Best Guillermo Quotes (6)

This quote comes from a scene in which Guillermo is hurriedly telling the camera crew that given the influx of vampire assassins attacking the house after the Baron's murder in season 1, he has to stay alert and awake at all times to protect those he lives with when they were unaware of his slayer tendencies.

Staying awake on a steady diet of chocolate-covered espresso beans, this quote shows Guillermo's near-fanatic energy when confronted with a high-risk situation, which both exposes another side to his character and proves why his later position as a vampire bodyguard is so well deserved.

"I Don't Kiss And Tell. But I Can Tell You...I Don't Kiss."

What We Do In The Shadows: 10 Best Guillermo Quotes (7)

When the vampire crew are setting up to host someerotic festivities in season 1 episode "The Orgy", Guillermo is roped into helping with the preparations, from finding supplies to securing a virgin to spice up the proceedings.

In a charming moment thatproves why Guillermo is one of WWDITS' most likable characters, he talks about how he'll be sitting out of the event, showing that whilst he's eager to become more entwined with the vampire lifestyle, there are some things he just won't do.

"You Should Be F*cking Proud Of Yourself, Proud Of Who You Are."

What We Do In The Shadows: 10 Best Guillermo Quotes (8)

This quote marks a memorable scene between Nandor and Guillermo, in which Nandor's self-pitying remarks provoke an outspoken response from Guillermo for what is the first - but not last- time in the show.

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Knowing that Nandor's life as a vampire representsthe very thing that he wants the most, Guillermo's outburst makes sense from theperspective of his desires, but additionally seeing the way that his words impact Nandor acts as a signal tothe start of a more layereddynamic between the pair.

"Oh, That. That's Just My Body Spray, It's Axe."

What We Do In The Shadows: 10 Best Guillermo Quotes (9)

Spoken in response to suspicions from the vampire Carol, who remarks that he is a slayer that she can smell the blood on, this moment of panic from Guillermo is the instigating remark that leads to a fight between the two.

Though he's one ofWhat We Do In The Shadows' smartest characters, Guillermo's poor secret-keeping skills in this context not only show the juxtaposition between his fighting ability and social skills, but also act as a reflection on the obliviousness of Nandor, Laszlo, Nadja, and Colin Robinson (Mark Proksch) having not figured it out for themselves, when it is so obvious to a newcomer.

"It Looks Like I'm Flying!"

What We Do In The Shadows: 10 Best Guillermo Quotes (10)

Though they've since developed more obvious affection for one another, this early interaction between Guillermo and Nandor in one of the first instances of it. Nandor lifts Guillermo above his head so that upon looking in a mirror, the absence of Nandor's reflection makes it seem as if Guillermo isflying.

His simple delight in this moment shows the almost childlike joy that Guillermo still has when he gets to be involved in the trickery of a vampire's abilities, and the moment also acts as a fun visual gang that mirrors the famous over-the-head lift in Dirty Dancing.

NEXT: 10 Other Movies And TV Shows The What We Do In The Shadows Cast Have Been In

What We Do In The Shadows: 10 Best Guillermo Quotes (2024)

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